Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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