when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
