you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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