my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
