my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
