I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this will be a night to untag.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize