i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
