Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
