1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
