y did u give ur computer a hand job?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ketchup is God's man juice
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
