Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
