I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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