so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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