i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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