apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
