It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
