They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
