I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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