i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
