Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
