I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
