Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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