My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
