if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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