I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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