he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
