The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
