either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
