If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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