Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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