If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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