she was so not down for the gang bang
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
