I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
