Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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