The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
