i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
