We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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