I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
