Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Drake has all the answers
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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