i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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