went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
