i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
