and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
