It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
