You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
