Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
