Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
