Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
