Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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