mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
