Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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