I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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