"it" just moved
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
